Like many women, I started wearing makeup in my early teenage years. Putting on a full face of makeup became such a staple of my routine, that I never stopped to ask: Why am I really doing this? Am I comfortable enough in my own skin to not rely on cosmetic products to help me feel like myself?
I couldn’t answer in a way that felt good, so I realized that I needed to make a change. That’s why I decided to stop wearing makeup and start wearing this big stupid hat that covers a lot of my face.
In the past, I would feel self-conscious about the appearance of my bare face when I went out without makeup. But now, I finally feel free while I’m under this dumbass hat. I never worry about petty things like that anymore, because my stupid, floppy fucking hat casts a shadow over half of my face and is so distracting that it’s the only thing anyone really sees when they look at me.
It seems so crazy to me now that I ever thought people would judge me for my skin tone or the length of my lashes. My face is my face! The only thing people are truly critical of is this big ole hat that I wear so frequently it’s become not only a part of my kind of insane look, but also an integral part of my personality.
I love my terrible, dumb hat. It’s soft and brown and makes me look like an extra on Girls, which most people would avoid but I revel in. I don’t need makeup to make me feel beautiful anymore, I just need this bad hat so I know that my face is an afterthought to everyone I encounter.
Maybe one day I will expand my repertoire to include perhaps a bowler cap, or a snapback, or even a very loud headband, but for now it’s just me and my one eccentric hat against the world.
I’ve learned so much from my experience quitting makeup, and I encourage others who feel they’ve become dependent on it to do the same. I no longer need anything outside of myself to feel comfortable and confident.
Only God can judge me, and I’m sure he’s thinking: Wow, look at her go in that stupid hat!