Good sex is all about feeling comfortable so it’s important to allow yourself to fully relax while you’re getting intimate with a partner. An anxious mind cannot orgasm, which is why it can be helpful to focus on something that really arouses you. For example, I can only finish by relaxing and then envisioning myself finding a bobby pin.
Of course, this is easier said than done! In the past, I would often find myself worrying that my partner wasn’t having a good time, or harping on a personal insecurity. These thoughts stopped me from having pleasurable sex, until I realized I needed to give myself over to the passion of the moment by relaxing and imagining a scene in which I open my cabinet to grab a snack and right there in front of my trail mix is a perfect little bobby pin, right when I most needed it.
I am finally at peace with the fact that I can only reach orgasm as I imagine reaching out for that bobby pin, and sliding it into my hair to perfectly flatten a bump by my ponytail. Yes. Yes. Fuck yes.
I know myself well enough to know that I can only orgasm by diving deep into a fantasy in which I drop my eyebrow pencil on the bathroom floor, then while crouching down to retrieve it, I discover a coy little bobby pin hiding in plain sight underneath my sink.
The intense, erotic pleasure of orgasm is only comparable to the shivers-down-my-spine-inducing satisfaction of finding a bobby pin that has appeared seemingly out of nowhere. I don’t remember the last time I purchased bobby pins, or even if I’ve ever purchased them at all, yet they are there, lurking in the shadows, waiting to be found by me during my sexual vision quests.
All I’m saying is that everyone is different and has a unique set of needs. My personal need just happens to be fantasizing about seeing a camouflaged bobby lying still on my dresser, capturing it and quickly pinning up my long bangs that I’m growing out so I can finally achieve orgasm during intercourse.
Ultimately, finding a bobby pin, much like sex, is a collaborative process. In my fantasies, I never know where a bobby pin might pop up. Is it clipped to the bottom of an old sweater or is it buried in the deep recesses of a purse, covered in crumbs? Only when I fully relax, breathe deep, and get lost in the fantasy of finding a bobby pin I never expected to find, am I finally free to feel true bliss.
