In a demonstration of ingenuity never before seen, Olivia Bernstein stuck an extra-long straw in her piping hot Starbucks latte this morning.
Olivia had seen other women perform the perplexing move before, but finally decided it just might be worth the leap. Glancing around, she confidently unwrapped the straw and squeezed it through the lid’s mouth hole as if plastic doesn’t melt and lattes just taste the same through a straw.
“I was in a huge rush and the latte was hot so I had to grab the straw,” says an adrenaline-filled Olivia. “Then I put my lips around the straw, and voilà, coffee!”
Despite Olivia’s display of confidence, she readily admits she was nervous all morning as she drove to the Starbucks, parked in the lot, and walked in anticipating her rise to peak consumer status. But now, she wants all women out there to know the risk was worth it.
“I feel really powerful now,” says Olivia. “I hope this shows women and young girls everywhere that we can put straws in our coffee whether we’re wearing lipstick, trying to keep our teeth white or just because we love the texture of a plastic straw.”
Yes girl, you don’t owe anyone an explanation!
“I think it’s hard for women to ask for what they want, whether that’s in the workplace, in bed or at the Starbucks condiment bar,” says Olivia, as she suckles her green straw. “But when you do it, you’re teaching people that women can have everything they want, which in this case is a straw that may melt in the coffee if I don’t drink it fast enough.”
While many women are applauding Olivia’s feat of bravery, some environmentally minded women aren’t so sure.
“Single-use plastic items like straws take up to 200 years to biodegrade and are dumped in the ocean by the thousands, often to the detriment of wildlife,” says Natalie Frendit, a water quality technician. “I urge everyone to cut back on plastic use, especially if for something totally frivolous and strange like putting a straw in their hot coffee.”
Fuck the haters – using a straw feels good!
“Anyone who has ever done something revolutionary has been met with backlash,” responds Olivia. “But I’m going to keep on being me and trying to be brave, one straw at a time.”