Who Has TIME to Watch All These New TV Shows? Turns Out, I Do

Between traditional TV networks and streaming services, it can feel overwhelming to try and keep up with every single highly reviewed series. It begs the question, who on earth could possibly have the TIME to sit and watch all of them? Well, turns out, I do!

 

Yes, me! I regularly find a way to set aside a bit of time wherein I can squeeze, oh, two to seven episodes of really any brand-new series with even mixed reviews. It’s really not as hard as people think! I’ll pop on a new show when I’m making my coffee, when I’m getting changed for work, on my way to work, at work, etc. It’s actually pretty easy! If you cut out some other things in your life (friendships, sex, safe driving), you can find enough time to watch every new show. Plus, it feels good to squeeze every penny out of my six subscription services and cable… I’m financially crushing it!

 

Sometimes it feels like I’m losing friends because of how many people I alienate simply by having seen a brand new series in a breathtakingly swift amount of time. Gina wants to tell me the fact that I’ve seen the new A Series of Unfortunate Events twice is “over the top”? Well, I think her multiple jobs are over the top! Plus, Neil Patrick Harris’ take on Count Olaf requires at least three viewings to understand the nuance of the performance, so I’m just being a good consumer in this golden age of television.

 

 

It’s not that I don’t value my time. I’m actually really busy. You’d think that no one would have the time or determination to force-watch every show above 2.5 stars, but guess what? I did it! Now the only people I can relate to are people who are hospitalized for weeks at a time and tech-forward monks. I mean, hey, what’s as fascinating as the much-cooler robots in Westworld, or the robots in Humans, or the robots in Black Mirror, or the robot-like humans in The Crown? I can’t get enough of ‘em! I’m so lonely but that’s not what this is about right now.

 

Anyway, for anyone who feels as though there isn’t enough time in the day to watch all of the shows they’ve been meaning to get around to, I’m here to tell them they’re wrong! Providing you’d like to sleep for at least an hour a night, that leaves 161 hours a week to binge, which can easily be filled up with the entirety of House of Cards, but only if you skip the lengthy title sequence. Who the fuck has time to watch those long title sequences? Crazy people, that’s who!

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