For us girls, summertime means outdoors and sunshine. But while you’re taking in that vitamin D, getting a nasty sunburn can keep you from getting that other vitamin D. Painful burns often mean sitting out of your favorite activities, but don’t let those skin reactions keep you from getting some! Here are the ways to make summer love a reality, even when the sun has over-loved your skin:
1. Gravely Injured Missionary Position
You really tried to wear enough sunblock during that trip to the Great Barrier Reef, but you forgot that there’s an impressive hole in the ozone layer there. So when you’re ready for some action in your own impressive hole, prop yourself up on a pile of clean linens so your burned back doesn’t get infected.
2. Reverse Ow-girl
Who would have thought you could get burned through your pants? But your friends warned you about playing volleyball in those yoga capris, and now you’ve got angry red legs that won’t quit—hurting, that is. So when the sun goes down and you’re ready for some night moves, make sure to get on top of your partner facing backwards, letting him see your beautifully tanned back and leaving your blistered legs hidden in a nest of now-bloody blankets.
3. Hot Dog-gy Style
You thought that a completely naked road trip down Route 66 would be an exhilarating way to spend the weekend. But when you woke up the next day and discovered second-degree burns that wrapped around the entire front half of your body. But it’s too late now, so just have your partner take you from behind, where your scorched nips are out of sight. And if there’s any chance he might be grabbing the front part of your torso, make sure their hands are coated in cold cream and aloe, a sad but effective lubricant!
4. The Great Pyramid
You’ve heard of the Eiffel Tower, in which one man takes you from behind while you orally pleasure another, and then the two men high-five over you. But you spent all day on the deck of a yacht with two eccentric brother-millionaires, and your knees are too burned to allow you to put any weight on them. So you’ll have to use those abdominals and plank yourself in order to fellate while you’re being boinked by those ten-figure weirdos. It just means that the two dudes will have to lean a little farther to achieve that high-five. But a pyramid is way cooler than the Eiffel Tower anyway; and you three are never going to forget your night of sun-poisoning together!
So you fell asleep in a tanning bed. It happens. And when you awoke to the salon attendant staring, open-mouthed, at your rapidly reddening flesh, you gave him clearance to go ahead and call the ambulance. But after you got home covered in bandages with an armful of painkillers and industrial-strength calamine lotion, you couldn’t say no to that salon attendant’s booty call. For your withered skin, even a 69 would be too much contact. So try the 11—your bodies tantalizingly close, but not touching anything except the cool sheets underneath. Your mutual sexuality will be radiating in the form of cooling, sensual waves, like a window A/C on low.
Even if you’re dermatologically mangled by the rays of the sun, you’ve got no excuse to say no to summer lovin’! You may be in a world of pain, but there will always be a sex position to accommodate you!