Welp, that’s it ladies! 2015 was the Year of Women, and now it’s over. Wasn’t that fun?
Like Halley’s Comet, the year of women streaks by once in a generation, in a blur of empowered speech and polite applause. For one whole year, us girls had it all. In music, fine art, literature, science, politics, and comedy, we were recognized as “alright”. We dominated sports, which some regular fans thought was pretty neat. We publicly discussed the underrepresentation of women in positions of power, which is almost like electing more women. Not one, not two, but several TV shows featured us as people besides mommies and girlfriends. We were celebrated for not trying to look hot (within reason). It’s undeniable: 2015 was the year of women!
And now it’s over. Thanks for letting us take a turn. Men: Here’s your year back. Women: Here’s how to get back to normal as seamlessly as possible.
After this period of sinful indulgence in mild appreciation, you’ve no doubt gained a couple inches around the ego. You may find it difficult to go back to the way things were. But it’s okay! No one expects you to be perfect until 2016. With the right attitude, you will make the transition seamlessly. Start with the small things, like shaving the candy-colored armpit hair that took months to grow—you’ll always have the Instagram pic as a keepsake! Give an unthreatening handshake using just your fingers, which are now professionally manicured again. Apologize when someone steps on your foot, even if they did it on purpose. Ask a man about the Fed and nod as he explains, even if you work at the Fed. See? It’s all coming back to you now.
Upcycle Your Old Feminist Swag
Don’t throw out your “Proud Feminist” sweaters, totes, and assorted swag. Cut them up to make swaddles, diaper cloths, even cleaning rags! Did you start an ambitious new chapter of your career this year? Say, running for elected office? Guess the election cycle simply didn’t sync up with your media-anointed time to shine! We’re sure there’s a perfectly good cabinet position available—for your newly remodeled kitchen, that is!
Go Back to Not Taking Compliments
In January, be sure to decline any appreciation offered to you. You’ve had your moment in the spotlight, so don’t be greedy. After all, they went out of their way to acknowledge us for an entire year! Go back to defusing every compliment you receive, just like old times.
As the year draws to a close, savor every last day of this hiccup of acknowledgement. Take advantage of not wearing makeup to the supermarket. Tweet about your period cramps. Enjoy your positive female friendships—they won’t last much longer! But every once in a while, while being talked over by our heterosexual partners, we’ll catch a glint in each other’s eye. We’ll know: 2015 was ours.
Thank you, men! Thank you for the year!