We know what you’re thinking: “I was taught to never look at my labia, right or left.” But someone is going to look at them someday, especially the one on the right, your dominant labium as it’s commonly known, and you need to be ready. With that in mind, we’re here to help make your right labium a little less shameful and little more vibrant for all the important vulva viewers in your life.
For Your Gynecologist: Look Healthy and Bright
Your gynecologist sees plenty of vulva brims and she’ll tell you that it’s completely normal and natural to have a right labium that is pink, brown, red, purple, gray, black, and everything in between. Here’s the thing: Just because she’s seen it all when it comes to right labium, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider the presentation. Medical professionals get skeeved out just as easily as the rest of us, so go for a clean look, which she’ll appreciate. We recommend dying your broad bulge eggshell white. You’ll look like an albino baby chick down there, which will brighten her day and also make it easier for her to see. Who wouldn’t want to examine that?
For Random Sexual Partners: This Labium is Everything!
Since everyone’s preferences are different, it can be tough to determine what a one-night stand would want the right side of the opening to your pleasure portal to look like. But they definitely don’t want it to be gross! Play it safe by plastering a picture of a universally popular celebrity’s right labia to your drab drape. A photo of Sophia Vergara’s or ScarJo’s pussy is sure to distract from the sad reality of your not-famous right labium’s blotchy tones.
For Your Bikini Waxer: Go Rainbow!
Your waxer sees more flop chops than anyone; she’s basically an expert in right labia. Dress to impress by dying your right princess petticoat rainbow! You’ve only got so many opportunities to show off your right labium-art skills, after all. As your hair is removed, your rainbow will be revealed, like clouds parting after a storm.
For Your Baby: Warm Pastels
The first thing your baby is going to see in this world is your nasty nozzle, so make sure to beautify before bringing your baby into the world. You can go traditional with a light blue or pastel pink, or jump on the latest trend and decorate your right bat wing with scenes from popular children’s books. A Winnie the Pooh on that frightful flap will put a positive spin on your right labium and give your baby a warm, inoffensive welcome into the world.
Never worry again that you’re the right shade down there. And feel free to personalize any of these ideas. After all, every right labium is icky in its own way!