We had prepared a list of burning questions to ask a man on the street about what men really, actually, honestly, truly want in bed. Questions like: “How long is the sex supposed to last?” “What should I touch first?” and, “What should I do if I think he’s cheating on me?”. The man we approached, Matt McCormick, seemed like a good choice because he was very cute. Unfortunately, he did not hear us ask these questions because he had his headphones in the entire time.
If you’re like us, you have no idea how to please a man sexually. We’re often wondering things like, “What does he want me to take off first?” “Where does he want me put my clothes once I’ve taken them off?” “Is over here okay?” “What should I do with the penis?” and “What’s all this I hear about a P-spot?”
We spotted Matt sitting across from me at a Starbucks while I was researching this story. Our minds began to wander as we starting thinking about having sex with Matt. “How would we please Matt sexually?” Then, we realized that if we asked Matt what he wanted in bed, we would know what every man likes in bed because Matt looks like a real guy’s guy, the kind who has a bunch of buddies who agree with him and laugh at his jokes and all men are essentially the same. But mostly, we would know what Matt likes in bed, just in case.
We asked the stranger next to us to keep an eye on our laptops and approached Mr. McCormick. Note: We knew his name because he had it written down on his notebook and we made a mental note so to Facebook stalk him later.
We turned to him and said, more confidently than we felt, “Hey, would you mind answering some questions about sex for a women’s magazine?” But he didn’t answer. He didn’t even acknowledge that we were speaking to him. That was when we realized: He had headphones in and couldn’t hear us. So embarrassing! Thank God he didn’t notice.
Defeated, we went back to our laptops and continued trying to puzzle out the mystery of the male brain. Our minds were buzzing; we had so many questions! “What should sex smell like?” “Is piggy-backing a sex position?” “Have you, Matt, ever had sex in a Starbucks bathroom?”
Alas, we will never know.