You know how commercials for feminine products feature a blue liquid to showcase its absorbency? Are you telling me that’s not normal? What has been coming out of YOUR vaginas all this time?
You’re saying that, every month, it’s not like a warm, melted popsicle down there? Then what the hell ARE you seeing?
My demographic has been so consistently represented in the media that I didn’t even know it wasn’t absolutely normal. I asked my coworkers what came out of their vaginas during that time of the month and they just looked at me, worried. Is there something I am missing here?
Last month I was hanging out with some girlfriends – we were all trading embarrassing stories about puberty. Pool party mishaps, piggyback rides gone awry, – you know, girl stuff. Everyone was dying laughing and talking over each other and having a blast. I dove in by shouting, “I got my period in gym once!” and everyone was laughing. But when I jumped in with “The rest of the day it looked like I spilled a bottle of Windex,” and the conversation came to a screeching halt. I’m still trying to figure out what I said that was so weird.
I assumed I was just too graphic with a group of acquaintances. The subject changed quickly, but it definitely raised some blue flags. I spent the rest of the night on Google, and got some pretty mixed results, so I was still pretty stumped about the whole thing.
Wait, you’re saying what? Are you sure? Oh god.
Why didn’t anybody tell me? I have spent 15+ years not talking about the fact that this was happening with my body because I thought I was just like what I saw on TV. Why would the media lie??
I may not be “normal” like the rest of you red-bleeders, but you know what? Maybe you’re the weird ones. Those pad commercials are all I have on my side. You can’t take that away from me.