With summer quickly fading, now is the time to collect dividends for all those juicy dick seeds you planted in the spring. Some growing seasons are better than others, but any phallic farmer worth their weight in salt knows that a crop top is a seasonless staple for harvesting dick. People are gonna start calling you the Him Reaper! Go from farm-to-table-to-dick in these hot, tiny tees.
Asymmetrical One-Shoulder Crop Top
This uneven tank is sure to instigate early blooms and premature irrigation, for an early harvest this year. Be sure to slap plenty of sunscreen on your exposed shoulder, you’ll be spending a fair amount of time in the sun; digging out dick bulbs.
4-H Club Pro Tip: Begin harvesting when dicks are 6-8 inches tall and about as thick as four fingers. Snap them off at ground level and new dicks will continue to grow.
Southwestern Print Tank
Go from devastating drought to soaking sprout in this Tex-Mex inspired tee. You can make it rain in the driest of climates, especially when your boobs are barely covered in a series of triangle patterns you don’t really understand. It’s like they say, Mojave, mo’ dick.
4-H Club Pro Tip: Pick before you can see the dick bulging. Check daily. It doesn’t take long for dicks to go from tender to tough.
Kate Spade Poplin Top
You put the spade in Kate Spade. This crop top is perfect for plucking the veiniest of vegetables. He’ll be saying, “now that’s ripe!” as you uproot his dick from rocky soil.
4-H Club Pro Tip: It’s really a matter of personal preference when it comes to the right size for harvesting. The dick should exude a milky substance when pricked.
Knit Sweater Crop Top
An early frost can obliterate months worth of hard work. Thaw out icy beanpoles by parading out in this inconveniently tiny sweater. No pain no gain; the extra work will pay off as soon as you bite into the freshest batch of dicks this season has to offer.
4-H Club Pro Tip: Dicks will mature from the bottom up. Harvest by twisting off from the stem.
Whether you’re just starting off with a small roof garden, or tilling acres worth of land, the benefits of harvesting your own dicks are endless. If farming isn’t in your blood, a crop top is the best way to jumpstart your green thumb. It’s only a matter of time before you’ll be filling up your breadbasket with the bounty of milk and honey. And dicks.