Totally Adorable Shorts That Fit You Last Fucking Summer

photo by Lena Palladina

Summer is in full gear! What better way to celebrate the heat waves than by whipping out all those shorts that fit you perfectly last summer? Here are all the shorts in your dresser that…oh damn it…these won’t…are you kidding me…these fit you just fine last year!

 

Cut-Off Shorts

When the warm weather hits, cut-off shorts are a fun way to stay cool! They flatter your legs—if you can manage to get them past your hips and zipped up all the way. When you attempt to remove them, they’ll get stuck and you’ll flail around on one foot, begging your empty bedroom for your life back. When you fall to the floor, writhing in devastation, try to remind yourself that it’s the shorts that have changed, not you.

 

High-Waisted Shorts

These high-waisted, tailored shorts were perfect all of last summer. They were appropriate for most occasions and went great with each of your crop tops. But that was last year. This year, they look like a pack of old scrunchies attempting to escape your body. This summer, when you pull them out of a drawer, you’ll take one look at that tiny waist, not even attempt to put on, and yell “You know what, FUCK YOU” before throwing them back in the drawer.

 

Those Shorts You Wear While Painting

This super comfy pair was always your go-to for painting and other messy activities because they’re loose and allow you a range of movement. In just three short seasons, these trusty shorts have gone from being baggy all over to tight around your thighs and slightly baggy at the vagina. They’re now ideal for you to cry into because they have fully betrayed everything you knew to be true about your body.

 

Exercise Shorts

These are mother fucking spandex. They fit to the wearer. That’s the whole point of spandex! But now you can’t get this pair past your calves. What could you have done between this summer and last to deserve this punishment from the universe?

 

Remember, no matter how much your shorts have changed in the last year, you are still you. Maybe stick to skirts for the rest of the season!!

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