In a recent report out of Chicago, it has been discovered that 23-year-old Jackie Avolio has spent the past three months of her life agonizing over a comment that the man who made it was barely cognizant of making while James Zoller spent zero time considering his remark that she is “lucky she’s not creative.”
Avolio’s next 94 days after the statement were spent deconstructing its meaning and implications.
“I was shocked,” reflected Avolio. “He was talking about the play he’s working on, and I had just been telling him about the short story collection I’ve been editing on weekends, so how could he say I wasn’t creative?”
The unlikely possibility of Zoller’s comment meaning that she isn’t, in fact, inherently creative sent Avolio into a self-reflective spiral, causing her to reexamine her career, her relationships, and herself. But she also considered that Zoller was jealous of her, was going through something emotionally, secretly didn’t like her, secretly had a crush on her.
“Either he’s an asshole, or I’m a pathetic, untalented joke,” Avolio said. “Could go either way, I guess. And believe me, I’m gonna figure it out.”
When asked about the incident, Zoller commented “Wait, which Jackie are you talking about?”
This isn’t the first time that Zoller has devastated those around him with his offhand remarks. His ex recalls him saying he’s “lucky no one else finds you as sexy as I do,” while he frequently refers to his brother as “the boring one” to his face.
“I’m a truth-teller,” explains Zoller. “I won’t apologize for that.”
Luckily, after months of self-doubt, Avolio emerged with enough resolve, anger, and energy to finish the first draft of her debut novel.
Sources confirm that Zoller’s play remains bad.