Forget about matte – shimmer and shine is all the rage now! The only way to capture a man is to capture the trendiest look and the only way to capture that look is to use highlighter to make your head appear more valuable and worthy of love. Here are the hottest highlighter looks to FINALLY make you glisten until you are truly worthy!
Just the Tips
Applying a small dab of highlighter to just the pointiest parts of your face will really accentuate your angles. So try apply a small amount to the corners of your eyes on either side, under the tip of your eyebrows, on the apples of your cheeks, and on your chin. When you look in the mirror, for the first time in your life, you’ll know what it is to be worthy of warm feelings and affection. You’ll know that society has determined that you are valuable enough to receive positive attention. Also, quick reminder, love is something you HAVE to have and you are nothing without it. You are also nothing without highlighter. Did you even have a face before? Did you even know love?
A Light Dusting
Take your lovability to the next level by applying highlighter to any part of your face that you want to dazzle. You want to look like you live in heaven part-time like someone truly lovable. A little highlighter lightly blended with some bronzer can really bring out the best parts of your face so that someone will notice them and say, “I guess you deserve my love now. You are now eligible for my sex.” This person will have to love you forever because you are finally glowing enough to level up so the patriarchy deems you enough. Congrats! Now go buy more highlighter so the love doesn’t disappear! IT IS FICKLE!
No one is more deserving of love than Kylie Jenner, so watch a video of her and put highlighter wherever she puts it. Then put twice as much as she does. Now you’re double-valuable and maybe you won’t bleed out completely if you pass out in the shower and hit your head. Someone who loves you and your perfect shining face will find you before the blood loss is a huge problem. As long as you were wearing highlighter in the shower. Wait, you washed it off? AFTER ALL THIS, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING? WEAR HIGHLIGHTER OR NO ONE WILL EVER WANT TO FEEL YOUR TOUCH!
Every inch of your body should be glowing like you drowned in hot fairies. Bathe yourself in highlighter so that the patriarchy will look upon you and say, “Yes, she is truly glowing and now deserves to feel content and satisfied.” It will cradle you in its hyper-masculine arms and it will tell you you are a good girl. Congrats, you did it. You are a shiny, valuable human being now and everyone knows it.
So next time your face isn’t reflecting shit, grab a highlighter. Trends are subject to change at any second, but for now, this is what will get the world to finally let you feel what love is!