Greg Danes, a tall man from New York, is reported to be having a great day today. Danes’s day commenced after a restful eight hours of sleep during which he dreamt he was snowboarding and it was very fun.
Danes, who sources confirm has the metabolism, height, and carefree nature of a Danish teenager, then ate two breakfasts in a row before pulling on a pair of chinos that fit his good, tall legs perfectly.
While some might consider that morning the peak of their day, tall man Danes was just getting started.
“On my walk to the train, I saw a little boy pointing at me,” said Danes. “He said to his mom, ‘Mommy, who is that man? He looks like a president!’ and she said, ‘He’s not the president, but he might be one day,’ and then handed me a freshly baked cookie. That was nice.”
Laura Noel, a fellow commuter on Danes’s route, confirmed that Danes seemed to be having an incredible day.
“Yeah, I saw him,” said Noel. “He offered his subway seat to a pregnant woman, and everyone on the train clapped for him. She didn’t even take the seat and forced him to sit back down because he was so nice!”
Despite Danes’s infectious positivity and joy, some have appeared to be dead set on ruining his great day with their negative energy.
“These Armie Hammer type men have it so easy,” continued Noel. “He is so clearly unaware of his privileges. But that being said, he is very tall and I would probably marry him if he asked me.”
Undeterred by gentle criticism that was ultimately a compliment, Danes made his way to his office, cracked a joke to strangers on the elevator that absolutely crushed, then was greeted by his boss with a firm handshake and declaration of his respect.
“Greg? He’s the best,” said Danes’s boss, Brent Butcher. “He hasn’t been with the company that long, but what can I say? I just like the guy. You have to trust your gut. He has a very bright future here, that’s for sure.”
Glowing in his boss’ affirming words, Danes went to his desk to look at some pictures of mountain bikes, smile for a little bit, then grab a sandwich from a deli where the male cashier called him “my man” and didn’t flirt with him or try to joke around by saying his sandwich costs $100.
Sources confirm Danes’ future plans for the day include easily reaching and opening a jar from a high shelf and possibly smiling more.
Good job, Danes!