What a year for strong female characters! We got an all-female Ghostbusters, the first female Marvel superhero, and an entire movie for Dory. But in a time of strong female characters, let’s face it: They could be a little stronger. Can these women even do a burpee? If women in pop culture are ever gonna be seen as multidimensional, strong role models for our girls, they’re going to have to start proving themselves. Here are the strongest female characters of all time who are impressive, but might not be able to do a solid burpee.
Scarlett O’Hara, Gone With the Wind
Scarlett O’Hara is a survivor. She can get her family through the Civil War. She can find food in barren ground. She can challenge the fucked up Deep South. But not once, in 1037 pages, is Scarlett ever described as a person who can do a decent burpee. Sure, she gets down on her knees to hold a carrot up to the sky—but can she do a pushup, then stand back up, jump up, put her hands together, and then get back down on all fours? How strong can this skinny bitch really be?
Cristina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy
Over the last decade, we’ve seen Dr. Cristina Yang slice bodies, bust a fallopian tube, get left at the altar, head up a hospital, be a genius, have emotional control, AND refuse to have children. But not once have we seen Cristina pound out a couple burps on her break. Who cares if her stamina in the operating room is unparalleled? What about her stamina in the 30-day burpee challenge? It’s hard to say whether she’d make it past day four. We know she’s tough, but how does she stack up against the Tough Mudder people?
Cookie Lyon, Empire
Cookie Lyon is one of the most badass female characters to ever grace the small screen. Sure, she can outdrink men, bring an addict back to life, and resist a narcissist. But have we ever seen her use correct form while doing a burpee? In a way you can measure with your eyes? Cookie, we had higher hopes for you.
Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
In a show oversaturated with misogyny, domestic abuse, and rape, Daenerys is upheld as the one strong female character whose power is unwavering and unquestioned. We’re not really sure why though, because none of her servants or disciples or fuckbois have ever seen her do a perfect burpee. Apparently, the mother of dragons and breaker of chains doesn’t think she has to show us her fundamental fitness aptitude. Which is unfortunate, because then how else are we supposed to evaluate her? By her ability to ride a dragon?? No. We need to watch her do burpees in front of her trainer until he’s genuinely impressed with her strength and her progress.
Creating strong female characters doesn’t have to be hard. Just show us they can do three sets of burpees and we’ll be all set!