Earlier today, 25-year-old straight woman Kelsey Anne announced she “might be gay” for Mila Kunis, an undeniably hot actress to men and women alike.
“I’m 100% straight, but….I think I might be gay for Mila?” says Anne. “This almost never happens, except for conventionally hot and widely regarded celebrities, so that means my sexuality has changed, right? This is so huge for me!!”
After watching reruns of That 70s Show, Anne was shocked at how perfect she found Kunis’ body – an observation she shared with her friends, who responded with “Yes, she is attractive,” and “Does that make us all gay?”
Anne’s friends were immediately supportive, although they downplayed the “coming out” so as not to make her feel awkward or uncomfortable.
“Yeah, when Kelsey pointed at the TV screen and just started screaming, ‘Are you kidding me?????’ every time Mila was in a shot, we think she may have changed her sexual orientation,” says Danielle Poirier, a close friend of Anne’s. “You don’t just find an almost universally acknowledged hot woman attractive if you’re not a little bit gay, right? I also don’t know how this works.”
“I definitely see the Mila Kunis thing,” says Michelle Johnson, another friend of Anne’s. “I mean I want her body so bad. But it’s like, do I want to have her body as my own body, or do I want her body. Does that make sense? I’m really not sure. I guess I could be gay too?”
Anne and her friends then spent the rest of their night Googling pictures of hot actresses and saying which ones they might be gay for, from Zoe Kravitz to Scarlett Johansson.
“Oh my God, she’s soooo hot!” says Anne about Kravitz. “I might be gay for her! I probably wouldn’t actually date her in a girlfriend way, I definitely wouldn’t marry her and there’s no way in hell I’d eat a pussy, but I think I’m gay for her! I mean, maybe? I still don’t know!”
The group of friends argued for several minutes about whether or not recognizing a conventionally attractive actress as being attractive made them gay, and could only conclude “maybe” yet again.