If you’ve ever experienced the pain of womanhood and thought, “You know what, I’d like to handle more,” try swapping your flats out for a sleek pair of stilettos! Nothing adds a sexier touch of discomfort to your already discomforting existence as a woman than a pair of four-inch heels. As if being a woman wasn’t already as torturous as absolutely possible, give yourself an extra challenge with any of these gorgeous stilettos!
Floral-Jacquard Stilettos ($485, Malone Souliers)
As if the expectation to look hot at all times isn’t already painful, these floral-jacquard stilettos present an amazing addition of agony to your smoking hot outfit. Your calves will look like women’s are supposed to when you strut around in these towering heels no matter how much they hurt throughout the night. You’re a woman who appreciates a challenge. Societal pressures just don’t bruise your self-image enough!
Suede Stilettos ($130, Kendall + Kylie)
Teeter-totter around your office in these suede stilettos, because being a woman in the workplace in itself doesn’t throw you off your balance as much as you’d like. Why settle for easier obstacles like sexual harassment or getting passed over for promotions in favor of less-qualified men? You could push yourself so much harder with heels unstable enough to fully break both your ankles! Actually, break your ankles right now just to see how excruciating you can really make things. As a woman, your ability to tolerate pain should know no bounds!
Bow Accent Stilettos ($109, Nine West)
These stilettos have a cute bow on the front that says, “Even as I attempt to look like a long-legged sex goddess, I must also look like a broken little girl.” Because the demand for women to appear both adorable and fuckable at same time doesn’t hurt your brain enough, try testing your pain limit with these thin heels instead. They’ll take you to a bonus level of physical suffering you’ll be so excited to beat! Womanhood is a game and you’re going to play to the extreme.
Open-Toe Stiletto ($59.95, BP)
Open-toe stilettos give off a more casual vibe, so you can wear these while running errands if the fact that you do almost everything for your family isn’t strenuous enough. If you’ve ever tried carrying ten grocery bags filled with pizza rolls from your Kia Sorento while your children scream in the backseat and said to yourself, “Please God, give me more to handle,” these shoes should do just the trick. If you limp into your next PTA meeting wearing these, no one will ever say you have things easier as a stay-at-home mom again!
Extreme 6” Stilettos ($415, Stuart Weitzman)
Being able to survive shit like this is why women live longer than men.
The world can be a harsh place for women. But if it’s somehow become too easy for you, simply exhaust yourself with a classy pair of stilettos!