Spring will turn into summer before you know it, and the last thing you want is to be caught at a beach party or barbeque without a handsome guy on your arm. Fear not: these new spring looks blend the best of haute couture and man-hunting desperation:
The Kate Upton Cleavage-Rack Tank Top
Men love breasts. That’s why Kate Upton she wears super-tight tank tops all the time. Her puppies are always peeking out attracting would-be suitors. The only difference is that Kate Upton has a boyfriend, and you don’t. Can’t afford her look? A cheap, unintentionally transparent one from Target will do. Got small breasts? All fun bags look huge in tanks that are two sizes too small. Shop in the children’s department if you must. If you do, just remember: do not get mistaken for someone who is happily in a relationship.
The “I’ll Cook For You” Pastel Dress Apron
Nothing says, “I’m ready for spring and a long-term relationship” like a pastel dress apron. Every man wants a woman who can cook, and when he sees you in this dress, he’ll know he’s found the one to have his children. And he’ll know you don’t have a man because if you did, you’d be at home cooking for him right now.
“Please Fuck Me” Four-Inch Heels
When it comes to man catching, the classics never go out of style. Throw on these FMPs and the whole town will hear your sad single girl stomp before you can get to the end of the block. Which is good because these shoes are hella uncomfortable and you won’t want to walk more than 20 feet in them.
“Shameless” Crotchless Floral Pants
Nothing says, “It’s spring and I’m desperate” like a pair of floral crotchless pants. Not only will you catch men’s eyes with these, you’ll also catch several viral infections. But, nothing makes a girl feel healthy again like a budding summertime love.
Try any one of these high fashion man-attracting looks, and you’re sure to let the world know how urgently you desire the company of a man.