Oh jeez, Mark, I’m sorry. I unthinkingly poked your butt again.
I know, I know – I should be more observant here at work; it’s just that this social media culture has got my brain hard-wired to knee-jerk fave anything and everything likable that comes into my field of vision. I don’t even know I’m doing it! Eek! Sorry!
When your tight little ass wanders across the office floor, I forget that this is real life and not a video that started auto-playing as a scrolled through my Facebook feed, thinking, “Aw, cute! Like like like like yum yum! Hahaha!” Before I know it I’m grabbing forth at your crotch and balls. Because they look good! Like, viral European underwear ad good.
And sorry about when I typed “more shirtless pics please” in a group email to you. I was thinking about you after I saw your name in the email header and it reminded me of those honeymoon pics you posted on Instagram a few months ago… anyways, you know how it goes! Social media has so warped our brains, right?!
Hey, remember when you first started working here and you asked me how to set up your remote desktop so you could work from home twice a week so you could watch your baby while your wife goes to her job, and the program always malfunctions so you have to keep coming into the office and hiring expensive nannies? That’s because I accidentally set up a video stream from your computer’s built-in webcam so that I can always live-tweet your butt being cute from my handle @MarkFromWorksButt. Wires crossed! Sorry! You are really pretty and I mean that in a non-offensive way. Like, guys can be pretty too and it’s great!
Has anyone ever told you that your butt is like the perfect shape? Shape-y but not too muscle-y or whatever? Oh my God I’m touching it again! Like Like Like LIKE LIKE! HAHAHAHA. Technology is rewiring our brains! I just read an article about it.
So anyways, if I grab you or touch you or say something weird, just know that it’s not really me. It’s the fast-paced media world we live in and I’m just falling victim to the rat race and all that.
But seriously, your butt is so droolworthy! #Buuuunzzz for dayssss!!!
- TTYL! Bye!