So your friend Donna has a story she doesn’t feel like telling, but you need her to tell it right now. Sure, she has to leave and walk her dog and it’s kind of an embarrassing story, but don’t let Donna fail you now! Here are some sly ways to force her into entertaining everyone with that really, really funny story. Come on Donna – we know you can do it!
Begin every sentence of Donna’s story for her.
Begin every sentence of Donna’s story for her if you’re getting the sense she doesn’t want to tell it herself. Maybe she got wasted off fruit punch or maybe she doesn’t feel like talking, but if she says, “It’s not that funny…” yell, “YES, it is!!” with as much force as possible. Donna’s really selling herself short here, so let everyone know it was Mrs. Malatesta. Donna ran into the Mrs. Malatesta, who used to give all those super hard surprise quizzes, so no one ever passed the class with an A. Everyone remembers her, right? Good! You’ve begun telling the tale and now Donna must complete it. You’re such a sly fox, you are.
Insist “the same thing happened to Donna” no matter what anybody says.
No matter what anyone was just talking about, immediately say, “The same thing happened to Donna!” If she looks confused and insists her story’s not the same, insist over her that it is. Because it is, Donna. It’s actually exactly the same. Sure, Keith was just talking about trying to install an above ground pool during a tropical storm, but set Donna up for success by forcing a segue into her anecdote about running into your old AP calc teacher at Target last week. Ha ha, isn’t that the funniest coincidence? Donna should thank you for this.
Slip Donna a treat, like jellybeans, whenever she tells the next part of the story.
The reward of a few sugary candy beans warmed in your hand should encourage her to continue telling her hysterical story. Donna clearly can’t look out for her own interests and she’s not motivated by getting laughter or attention from your guests, but who doesn’t love candy? A few jellybeans will do the trick! Everyone should be cracking up in no time. Alternatively, Donna could also refuse the treats and ask what the hell you think you’re doing. In that case, just skip to the next step because you tried, but Donna might be beyond hope.
Tell Donna’s story for her.
There’s only so much effort you can spend encouraging Donna to tell her story and you’ve expended it all, so tell it for her. She might thank you later, she might not, but you did what you must to save your party.
These steps are so simple! If Donna won’t do what you want, try them all and subvert her wishes. She’s got no idea what a goldmine of a story she’s sitting on and you’re going to help her see it.