After an extensive 30-year study, scientists have come to a startling conclusion that has shocked the medical world. Contrary to popular belief and previously undisputed logic, it has been discovered that flavored condoms won’t mask the overwhelming stench of dick.
“Before drawing our conclusions, people thought that a flavored condom would be able to cover up an unclean dick,” explains lead researcher Dr. Wendy Shackrom. “Finally, we’ve proved that even with a mint, strawberry or island punch latex condom covering a man’s penis, it will still smell nasty and no woman should ever have to be near it.”
The study concluded that no brand of flavored condoms on the market has the ability to conceal the sharp smell of a dick that has been trapped inside boxers all day. In fact, the research showed that other than a thorough dick-cleaning, nothing will ever eliminate that toxic odor.
“The data explicitly says that no man is exempt from this,” says Shackrom. “Many men think their dick doesn’t smell at the end of the day, but scientifically, we found that they’re wrong and gross. In addition, men’s asses smell so bad it’s messed up, and the ass it extrememly close to the dick.”
Despite these fact-based conclusions, some men still believe they are anomalies.
“What if I give my dick a quick wipe down to freshen up?” asked a man with a dick, Evan Wolber. “I love blowjobs, but taking a shower before sex seems excessive. Women love flavored condoms!”
A recent study at Washington University in St. Louis shows that, no, women don’t like flavored condoms when there’s a dirty unwashed dick underneath.
“Over 100% of the women we tested shared that flavored condoms have never once saved them from a horribly acrid dick,” continues Shackrom. “Despite this, every male researcher who had signed onto the project has at some point said, ‘This just can’t be.’”
The Harvard Medical Journal published the study’s results which finds that actually, this can be, and it’s time to take a shower.