In an effort to streamline their increasingly complicated school dress code, Pope High School in Cobb County, GA has replaced their entire dress code with a single, simple rule meant to encompass the spirit of the code. The “No Boner-Giving” Rule will help demystify what had become an overcomplicated system of rules and exceptions, and put the onus for non-boner-giving attire back on the female students where most education experts agree it belongs.
“Over the past several decades, we’d been adding to and amending the dress code, trying to ban tank tops, crop tops, leggings, spaghetti straps, onesies, and bodysuits,” says the school’s principal. “But what we’d lost sight of in all these changes is that the real issue: chicks give dudes boners just by having visible bodies, and they need to not do that.”
The transition to the single-rule code may be difficult for some. “It’s only one rule, but it encompasses much more than our old three-page set of rules. Because high school boys can get an erection at the drop of a hat, girls need to be vigilant when they get dressed in the morning and start dressing in a boner-resistant manner.”
The consequences for violating the dress code range from a verbal warning for a first offense to a two-week suspension for “wearing those little frilly boner-giving skirts,” he adds. “Or, you know, whatever they wear. Not that I notice, really.”
Sophomore Mark Shivit is cautiously optimistic about the rule change. “I’m pretty sure nothing I could wear will give my buddies a stiffie, but if I even see a hint of a girl’s shoulder blade, it’s Boner City over here. I wish those girls a lot of luck.”
Female students have been briefed on the new rule, but since no particular item of clothing is actually prohibited, a “Boner Check” will be set up at the front doors of the school, where a rotating group of male volunteers will determine whether a girl’s outfit does, in fact, give them a hard-on.
Some female students remain skeptical of the new rule. “I don’t know how they’re going to determine if the boner is caused of my slightly fitted tank top or that gust of air that just happened right now,” said junior Miranda Turndale.
“We’re not trying to put all the blame on young women,” the principal adds. “For example, a boy might have a ‘semi’ before he even sees a girl, in which case that’s on him.”
“It’s not a witch hunt,” says Carter, “but those girls do need to stop casting their spells on everyone’s boners.”
