Maintaining a long-term relationship is tough: you want to keep it sexy and fresh, but you also need your man to do some of the housework too. Well, despair no more, because there’s gotta be a way to do that without seeming like a dried up old crone. With these hot new role-playing games, you can disguise any chore as sexy time. Marriage solved!
Mr. Maid and Business Woman
Do you both work full time, but for some reason most of the household labor falls on you? Are you too tired to have sex because you work longer hours and then have to come home and clean the fucking dishes? Maybe you need a coy game of clean up. Put on your best sheath dress and pantyhose, hand your man a paper towel and a bottle of Lysol and start bossing your Mr. Maid around. He’ll love how hot you look in the professional attire you wear literally every day and how worked up you get when you bark at him to “wipe under the books too!”
Garbage Man and Hoarder
You just got home from a stressful day at work to find the overloaded trash exactly where it was this morning when you politely asked him to take it out. Do you lose your cool? No, that’s not sexy. Instead, get into a faded pink tracksuit, scatter the trash all over the floor and wait for him to come home to play Garbage Man and Hoarder. Men love a damsel in distress. When he walks in to find you sitting in a pile of rotting eggshells surrounded by used Kleenexes, he won’t be able to control his urge to stuff everything back in the trash bag, Swiffer Wetjet the floor and rip off your holey sweatpants.
Launderer and Folder
When you have two kids under the age of three, laundry is like breathing: you have to do it to survive. But what happens when your lover waits to fold it, creating a bottleneck and sending you to an extra therapy session because you just can’t? Launderer and Folder is what happens. You’re two tired laundry factory employees waiting for your shift to end so you can fuck. Bring him the laundry and yell “FOLD!” with the sexy urgency of someone who’s been on her feet all day. Your intensity will drive him so wild he’ll actually help with chores for once!
Dog Walker and Owner
Mornings are yours and evenings are his. That was the deal. So, why is it that he’s dragging his feet while your dog stares anxiously at the door? Maybe because of gendered behavioral expectations? Regardless, get your obese dog some exercise by playing Dog Walker and Owner. Hand your man the leash and some poop bags, put a $20 bill in your bra and tell him he can have it when he gets back. Then, remind him you’re tracking how far he goes because your Apple Watches are synced. Hot!
Someday we’ll live in a world where men pitch in because it’s the right thing to do and not because they see it as a route towards getting laid – but that day is not now! So get him to put in the minimal effort without feeling like his manhood is being crushed, with these overly complicated mind games.