There’s nothing worse than coming home from a night out and not being able to get your mascara off. Soap and warm water just smear things around, and oil-based removers are greasy. It’s so frustrating! That’s why the best thing you can use to get your eye makeup off are your natural tears of despair.
Despair-tears are your body’s built-in saline solution. Why spend money on chemical-laden eye makeup remover when you can simply dwell on something wretched going on in your life right now? Save money and the planet by bawling your way to a clean face.
Not sure that rousing yourself into a state of emotional turmoil is right for you? Think again. This level of ugly cry won’t just clean your face—it’ll cleanse your soul.
Maybe you put that cat eye on so that your ex-boyfriend Corey would see what he’s been missing all this time. But when you get home, don’t forget that he barely looked at you all night and appeared to still be with that girl Dara. When you get home and it’s time to remove your makeup, just dwell on that until the floodgates open. And 25 minutes later, when you peel yourself, hopeless and spent, off the bathroom floor, your makeup will be gone! Magic.
Removing your makeup with the bitter mead of life’s disappointments isn’t always easy! Which is why you may want to take it slow and wear a bib the first few times. While this method takes slightly longer than a swipe with a wet cotton ball, but the skincare benefits more than make up for it. Hang in there!
Need something to think about so you can howl with despair on cue? Try one of these sob nuggets:
-A dead grandparent
-Modern-day slavery
-Whales crying as they are forcefully separated from their families
-The last episode of Friends
Any of those should work just fine, but feel free to substitute your own to make your makeup removal process more you.
The power to cleanse your face lies within you! All you have to do is summon the instinctive despair that you spend most of our waking life denying, and put it to good use. Take that, Corey!
