Despite not having gotten any sweet D in months, Queens resident Sarah Jameson has not missed a single day of her birth control.
“It’s just something I’ve built into my routine,” says Jameson. In spite of not getting regularly jackhammered like many of her friends, she says, “I still like to keep things consistent.”
According to reports, Jameson used to keep track of her pill-taking schedule with an alarm on her phone. But after a while, she realized that she could remember to take it without the presence of an alarm… or a penis.
“I don’t know how she does it,” comments Jameson’s best friend, Elena Cross. “She hasn’t been plowed in almost a year but she’s still taking those pills on time!”
Even without a regular slampiece, Jameson never misses a chance to take her pill. Last weekend at brunch, she caused a stir when she pulled out her birth control case at exactly 12pm, even after downing five mimosas.
“I was sort of jealous but mostly impressed,” recalls Cross. “I get fucked all the time and I still screw mine up like once a week. Which reminds me, I haven’t gotten my period in like five weeks.”
Jameson has been named Patient of the Year at her OBGYN’s office three times in a row for her unfaltering dedication. Along with that honor, her unique skill has gained the attention of her immediate family.
“I am very proud of Sarah for being so responsible even during this dry spell,” says her mother, Margaret. “Also, please someone ask her out, she’s really a lovely girl.”
Following the interview, Jameson could be seen taking one of her pills without any water or identifiable motivation.