Like any trendy gal, you want to look great arm-in-arm with your new beau. And whenever you meet a man covered in red flags, your first thought is always, “Oooh, I look great in red!” So here is your guide to keeping your wardrobe as glaringly red as the red flags that he waves in your face during every date that he doesn’t want to call a “date date”.
Just a Pop of Red
To liven up any outfit, try throwing on a fire engine red belt or garnet sash. This look perfectly complements his subtle red flags that you spend a lot of time convincing yourself you don’t see. Like when he dislikes puppies or gets fired from his third job this month. You guys will have a fiery connection in no time!
Red Panties from the Victoria’s Secret Semi-Annual Sale
Nothing says sexy like an affordable thong! So let your sexy crimson look simmer beneath the surface before revealing it to him, just like he held off on revealing to you that he’s not “technically” “totally” single. This combo will make the two of you the next Britney and Justin!
Go the Full Jessica Rabbit
A floor length red gown with slits up to your ears makes bold a statement. This ensemble will go great with all the bold statements he’s made to you, like, “I can only ever meet you after 10 PM,” or “Making out doesn’t count as cheating.” This match will make you the perfect pair, like a matador and his bloodthirsty bull.
Red on Red on Red
Typical fashion experts would frown on mixing shades of red, but you are the exception to the rule. How else would you match with his unique ability to seamlessly blend lighter red flags with deep, deep red ones. As deep as when he calls his ex his “girlfriend”, or worse, calls you “mommy”…twice. You’ll be the scarlet letter to his scarlet fever in no time!
The only way to truly keep up with his plethora of warning signs is to cover every inch of your body in red. So drench yourself in cherry and cuddle up with your boo. Let him stroke your smoking hair and tell you again that he really cares about you, but is just too open-minded for labels at this point in his life.
So if you want to be an aesthetically coordinated couple, like two halves of the same heart, stock up on some ruby red garb. You’ll be as sexy as he is a walking “DANGER” sign. It’s a match made in hell!