Sometimes when a great song comes on while you’re hanging out with friends, you want to sing along and not seem like an idiot who doesn’t know how the words go. However, before you start mouthing random words under your breath, consider leaving the country. That may be a better path to take than having your friends band together against you for not knowing the lyrics to “Roxanne.” If you’re not sure what to do, take this quiz to determine if you should pretend to know the lyrics, or pack up and leave the country immediately.
Is this a song people expect you to know, like “All Star” or “Juicy?”
- No, it’s a song no one should really expect me to know, like “Benny and the Jets” or something.
- Yes, it’s one of those songs where if I don’t know it, people will wonder if I grew up in an underwater cavern or had surgery to remove the 90s from my brain. They’ll gasp at my lack of knowledge, and I’ll have to physically defend myself against pointed attacks regarding my pop culture references – shit!
Do you know enough of the words to get them right every so often?
- Yes, I know a few of the key words and where to chime in with them. Like if my friends were singing “Wonderwall,” I could get away with screaming the part that goes, “Wonderwaaaaall,” and then mumble the rest until the part that goes, “I said MAYBE yasaaaafkerjkuhhejclgAAg*nsd.”
- No, I know roughly zero to three words. I’m using context clues to sort of guess what’s next.
Is there a part where you have to do a solo?
- No, everyone’s so violently into this song they’re not even thinking about me.
- Yes, a former friend and now an enemy of mine just pointed at me and said, “Take it away,” or something like that, but I can’t take it away because I don’t know where to go.
Are you at church right now?
- No, I’m nowhere near God’s house.
- Yes, if I make up the words to this hymn about deer that panteth for the water, God will for sure know about it.
How much is your sense of belonging riding on this going well?
Mostly 1’s: You should go ahead and pretend you know the lyrics! You have a pretty good chance at getting away with it, and the reward of group acceptance will be worth the lie you’re about to live.
Mostly 2’s: Leave the country. Seriously just get out. You can live a quiet life on the coast of Spain if that sounds nice to you – somewhere pleasant, without people who know the lyrics to anything. Unless it’s a super popular Spanish song in which case, uh oh, cover blown! Flee to Portugal.