Getting to know your own cycle is difficult as it is. But it can be especially hard when your estrogen levels have sharply increased due to a barrage of pictures featuring a former pro wrestler turned actor holding his tiny newborn in his giant, muscly arms. But don’t fret! Take this quiz to help you determine whether you’re ovulating or you just looked at a picture of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson holding his new baby.
Has it been about 14 days since your last period?
a.) Yes, exactly two weeks.
b.) No, but it has been about 14 seconds since I saw that photo of The Rock holding his infant.
Notice any changes in your usual discharge?
a.) Yes, it’s thinner and more clear than it usually is.
b.) Yes, but I might just be really sweaty from daydreaming about The Rock putting a baby in me after seeing that picture of him holding his newborn.
Do you feel a sharp pain on one side of your lower abdomen?
a.) Yes, and it’s on the opposite side of where it was last month.
b.) No, but I do feel a deep biological longing to be with child that coincides with recently having seen that image of The Rock having skin-to-skin time with his beautiful new baby.
Are your breasts feeling sore?
a.) Yes, and it happened pretty suddenly.
b.) Yes, but it’s because I’ve been laying on them all day, gazing at this photograph of The Rock and his lil pebble.
Is your sense of smell noticeably more sensitive?
a.) Yes, to the point where I can tell that my neighbors need to take their trash out.
b.) Yes, but it’s only sensitive to what The Rock is cooking. Which, in this case, is the tiny, adorable infant he’s tenderly holding in that picture that’s been floating around.
Mostly As: You’re just ovulating! Nothing too out of the ordinary happening here, just the regular biological processes your body goes through every month. Be extra careful if you’re trying to stay un-pregnant.
Mostly Bs: You’re probably not ovulating. But you did just look at that picture of The Rock cradling his brand new baby girl, so your body is responding accordingly. It can be truly difficult to know the difference!