Are you super drained from a nonstop weekend of looking at friends’ Coachella posts? Pretending you care can be exhausting, especially when Katie just won’t shut the fuck up about it. Stay energized through tales of Katie’s out-of-body LCD Soundsystem experiences with these yummy women’s energy bars! These bars will give you all the natural goodness you need to keep your eyes from rolling and your ears alert to feign listening about Katie’s first Molly trip.
S’mores Luna Bar ($1.39)
Luna bars are packed with essential vitamins just for women’s needs, which is lucky for you because you need this woman to stop talking about “Coachella culture”. Go for the scrumptious S’mores bar when you stop by the Whole Foods near Katie’s house to give yourself a burst of energy to care about her $375 glorified glamping trip.
Blueberry Vanilla Kind Bar ($1.99)
We’re totally obsessed with this bar because you can purchase it at literally any Starbucks, which, let’s be honest, is where this conversation is most likely taking place. Go for the blueberry vanilla because blueberries are packed with antioxidants. This way, you can lead a healthy life while Katie explains how she had so much fun she almost died, and then really almost died when she wandered into the desert.
WOMAN by eBars ($2.50)
The name says it all, ladies. Everything about this bar is for YOU and that includes nutrients to keep you from giving up when the going gets tough. Katie is giving you tips on how to make the perfect flower crown, but never fear. You will overcome and you will rise to the challenge, because Katie is almost done with her iced caramelized honey latte and after that, you can fucking bolt.
Rosemary Simple Squares Snack Bar ($2.50)
Ah, rosemary. Such a distinguished and classy taste! Did we mention that this bar is also paleo?! Load up on this bar to stay enthralled as Katie talks about that “exciting new band” named Guns ’N Roses she saw. Is this what our cave ancestors envisioned for us?
Katie’s leftover homemade bars that are probably laced with something
It sucks no one wanted to finish Katie’s snacks at the festival but apparently they were worried about potential flab poking through between their crocheted halters and high-waisted butt cleavage shorts. Now Katie’s got leftovers and you’re not one to pass up free food. Oh shit, what is happening? What are the lights doing? Did you just say crowds and EDM are great? Ugh, it’s the Molly again. God damn it, Katie’s gonna pay for this.
When you’re looking to take care of your iron deficiency while staying on the good friend list, these are the bars to eat. Best to purchase these snacks in bulk to prepare for the Lollapalooza and Bonnaroo stories, because you’re not going to those, either!