OBITUARY: Linda Wilfree Had A Body That Didn’t Quit, Until Yesterday

Renowned malaria researcher and bestselling author Linda Wilfree passed away last night after fighting a long and difficult battle with cancer that—luckily—did not alter that stellar physique of hers. She was 76, but didn’t look a day over 40. And like, a good 40.


“She was taken far too soon,” says close friend Judie Nichols. “She still had so much to do—her breasts hadn’t even begun to sag, even when her kidneys were failing.”


Wilfree is survived by her husband, economist Phillip Wilfree and her son, professor of French literature Paul Wilfree, who were constantly inspired by her compassionate nature and killer bod.


“She would shovel our elderly neighbor’s driveway in the winter,” her son Paul recalls tearfully. “It must have been a great workout, because her arms were always so toned. People just loved Mom’s arms.”



“Linda was in my spank bank for over half a century,” says longtime friend Dave Blum. “That butt hasn’t changed since I was staring at it during the moon landing. May she rest in peace.”


As an esteemed scientist and activist, Wilfree will be remembered for much more than just her body—she had a gorgeous face as well.


“She had the lips of an angel,” says her husband Phil. “I guess God wanted those lips back in heaven, but it still hurts to lose them.”


Family and friends will remember Wilfree’s frequent smiles, which lit up the room and—miraculously—did not leave wrinkles on her radiant skin.


“So vibrant, so full of life,” a neighbor says. “And that was just her hair.”


A celebration of life is planned for 5 PM on the 17th. A funeral will be held at the Church of St. Patrick the next day at 11 AM—open-casket, of course. In lieu of flowers, guests are asked to bring a photograph or to share a favorite memory Wilfree’s legendary body.


“Her legs went on for days,” said Phil. “But I guess those days have come to an end.”


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