Next Season of Game of Thrones Will Feature Condom Use In Every Scene

This week, HBO’s Insecure came under scrutiny for failing to show characters explicitly practicing safe sex. Creator and star Issa Rae quickly addressed the controversy by noting that the show does show condoms, though it will still strive to do better in the future. Not to be outdone, HBO’s other darling, Game Of Thrones, has also announced that it will now show characters using condoms in every single scene regardless of sexual nature.

 

The show, which famously features an incestuous doggie-style sex scene in the first episode, is committing to what viewers obviously want – way more condoms!

 

“Seems kind of crazy that Insecure would be held to a higher standard than any other show ever,” said one HBO spokesperson. “So we just went A to C and assumed that really it’s because people love condoms and want to see them constantly!”

 

 

Viewers will see Tyrion waking up in the morning and putting on a condom before going to advise Daenereys. Melisandre will be involved in a sub-plot in which her IUD falls out and she has to have it reinserted before she can conduct a human sacrifice. Sansa won’t deal directly with condoms but will deliver a tearful monologue extolling the virtues of the Diva cup.

 

“As a viewer, I need my shows first and foremost to be completely realistic in every way,” said one fan of the show. “In fact, I hold fictional characters to a higher standard than I hold myself or anyone I know. To me that means they’d better be wearing a condom at all times and in every scene just in case.”

 

But the decision to show more condoms won’t just affect the show itself. Investors and producers are expecting a financial boon as well.

 

“Product placement is tricky when you’re making a show set in a sexy fantasy world,” said one HBO representative. “But we’re excited to feature specific brand integrations with the show narrative. Magnum will be the official choice of the Three-Eyed Raven, and of course Trojan will be the go-to for the Lannisters. The dragons will be wearing Skyns.”

 

There are still, of course, many unknowns in the next season. Including when the White Walkers will reach Westeros, and whether or not the condoms will help when everyone rape-murders each other.

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