In a move not unlike the last 16 holiday seasons, Nana Renée will be picking her granddaughter’s Christmas gifts primarily based upon her preteen obsession with Neopets, the online game from the early 2000s.
“I know she’s trying her hardest to be thoughtful, but I’m not 12 anymore,” said granddaughter Melissa Cronin. “I figured we’d be in money-in-a-card territory by now.”
Nana Renée, Melissa’s only remaining grandparent, seemed confident in her gift choice.
“I know she just loves those little internet animals,” said Nana, unaware of the fact that her grandchild, Melissa Cronin, has aged significantly since the last time she logged onto the popular virtual pet website.
Adding to the ordeal, it appears as if Nana Renée has chosen the merchandise with the least desirable Neopets species possible.
“Last year, she got me a Neopets throw blanket covered in Chias,” commented Melissa. “Out of all the adorable Neopets she could’ve chosen, she picked the ones that look like uterine polyps. At least a Bruce plushie would’ve been seasonally appropriate.”
Melissa, who has the gift needs and desires of any average 28-year-old, remains torn on whether or not she should mention anything for next year.
“I don’t want to hurt my Nana’s feelings,” she said. “But I could really use a new laptop case or a good pair of winter boots.”
Nana Renée, though, is undeterred.
“As long as I’m alive and kicking, Melissa will be getting exactly what she wants for Christmas,” said Nana. “And I know that what she wants is those Neodogs, Neopats, whatever. Nanas always know how to spoil their grandbabies.”
Seemingly touched, Melissa added: “I guess I’m not too bummed about the Kacheek chapstick.”