In my life so far, I’ve been fortunate enough to date guys who refuse to take part in sexist behavior. I’ve had plenty of boyfriends who’ve gone above and beyond in their willingness to take on sexist stereotypes, from stealing my hoodie because they were cold to letting me move an entire couch by myself. But I’ve finally found The One who knows what it means to be a real ally: My feminist boyfriend is so committed to fighting the patriarchy that he hasn’t had a paying job in five years.
Let me tell you: Dating a feminist guy with absolutely no income who has the respect for me to mooch off of me for everything is the ultimate partnership.
Would it be fair for him to work the same amount of hours in a comparable job and make more money than me? Definitely not! Until the wage gap is closed in all fields, he will not be working. Which is…fine. And good! It is good.
Sure, he could update his LinkedIn, finish his associate’s degree or call his Uncle Jerry who said he could have a job at his firm whenever he’s ready, but he fights the temptation to become yet another male who would make more money than me. So brave!
Boy, I wish the pay gap were closed.
A lot of people who aren’t as committed to fighting the patriarchy (like my parents) just don’t understand why my boyfriend can’t work while being an activist. Couldn’t he just volunteer at Planned Parenthood to support women? Sure, he could and he totally would (he said that once after we had sex) but he doesn’t want to take the glory away from women volunteering at Planned Parenthood. He’s so thoughtful!
It won’t be like this forever. I check the labor statistics the second I wake up every day, and the wage gap is closing, slowly but surely. My boyfriend doesn’t think the wage gap will be fixed until we’re both dead, but he still signs the equal pay petitions I email him every hour. He’s so determined!
I don’t mind working three jobs to support myself and my 32-year-old able-bodied soulmate at all. Everyday that I come home tired and hungry to a messy house without dinner made (my boyfriend doesn’t think he should clean up or make dinner because men are over praised for those activities), I thank my lucky stars that I found a man so committed to fighting the patriarchy.
This is what a male feminist looks like.