My best friend and I have been friends for nearly a decade now. We’ve asked for each other’s advice just to ignore it and screw up again, and we’ve seen each other’s faces reflected in a lot of toilet bowls. It’s worked well for us for almost ten years, which was why her most recent change has shaken me to my core. After getting a “real” job and finding a steady, healthy relationship, I realized she somehow decided to get her life together without consulting me first.
It feels like all of a sudden, out of the blue, my best friend got her shit together without my consent, as if my opinion on her life trajectory doesn’t matter or something. As I lay here in my bed with no fitted sheet, just kind of like a loose sheet, I can’t believe she didn’t ask me whether it was okay for her to get a job she cares about, or paint her bedroom, or get her laundry delivered every week like some kind of queen.
There’s just nothing harder than watching your friend become a productive member of society without checking in to see if you think that’s a good idea.
I guess I always thought this was something we were gonna do together, until she caught me by surprise and started buying nice towels. I mean, I don’t want to do it at all, but I thought we agreed that if we were ever going to get our lives together, it would be a joint decision. She’s just leaving me behind here where I’m quite comfortable living my slobby mess of a life.
She has a food processor now, for god’s sake!
Just suddenly, BOOM, one day I’m supposed to be okay with that? If she’d asked I would’ve said, “What’re you gonna make pesto like someone who’s looking to get married soon? No, you’re gonna get drunk with me and try to order delivery when all the restaurants are closed.” And she has plants now. Now sure, it’s not the adult commitment that maybe a dog would be, but she’s still agreeing to keep something alive other than me. How selfish!
So if you’re out there, considering investing in your own hair dryer so you don’t have to steal your neighbor’s every day, or taking the trash out in a timely manner, consider how your actions may affect others. When you decide to get your life together, at least run it by your bestie to make sure it’s what you really want.