Yet again, your mother, Laura Broderick, of Bethlehem, PA, has decided to spend your weekly phone call ruthlessly shit-talking people you have never met.
While this time could have been used to bond and learn more about your mother, she once again decided it was best to just go the fuck off about some strangers who “raised their children wrong” and “don’t take responsibility in HOA meetings”.
No one is safe from this gossip – except, perhaps, literally anyone you mutually happen to know – even a third cousin or something.
“You remember Lisa, our old neighbor from when we first moved here? I ran into her at the grocery store a few weeks ago and we made plans to get lunch and catch up. So I messaged her and she didn’t respond. Never heard from her again. How fucked up is that?” she dished. “I don’t need that negativity in my life.”
Despite the several chances for you to respond with “no way” or “wow” and encourage her gossipping about people you’ve never heard of before, you chose to respond with, “I don’t know who that is.”
Lucky for you, your mother is not paying attention to your responses because she’s still going off on Lisa.
“Oh, you know who I saw the other day? Nannette Burns, one of the football moms? Yup, she’s getting a divorce,” your mom added, not thinking that you wouldn’t know any of the football moms because it was your brother who played football five years after you graduated and moved away.
Sources, who are your younger siblings still living at home, have confirmed that this exclusively happens when she talks to you.
Before you could redirect the conversation, your mom confirmed it was nice catching up with you, she loves you, and wants you to come home again soon.