Being outgoing and friendly is an appealing trait no matter who you are, but some people have trouble being comfortable in social situations. Such is the case for Calvin Thompson of St. Louis, Missouri, who is described by those who’ve met him as “introverted” and “socially awkward.” The good news is that Calvin is allowed to be bad at social interactions because he has a big beard.
“Calvin is really bad at talking to people,” says the introvert’s coworker, Sandra. “He does that thing where he trails off on the ends of sentences so you can’t understand him. He can’t hold eye contact at all. Luckily he has a beard, which makes me look the other way on all those unappealing things.”
Calvin, who is self-described as “awkward as hell”, struggled to make friends in his youth, and has always had trouble maintaining relationships. His unconfident personality, in combination with his clean-shaven face, made him entirely unremarkable to most people.
Sources confirm that all changed three years ago when Calvin decided to grow out his beard.
“He used to be so awkward,” says Calvin’s friend, Marissa. “And now he’s still awkward, but now it just works for him. I used to describe his as a quiet weirdo, but now I’d call him a brooding artist type.”
Calvin, who reportedly took two months to grow his beard out to its current length, has enjoyed a notable uptick in attention from both men and women since his grooming change.
“I’ll be honest, that shy guy with the beard is hot,” says Gwen Davies, Calvin’s barista. “He’s cool. When he mumbles I’m just like, ‘Wow, he’s got secrets and isn’t ready to tell them to me.’”
Many have expressed admiration when it comes to his stoicism, but the man in question doesn’t really understand why he’s being treated so differently.
“Who knew all it took to be hot is a beard,” says Calvin. “Yesterday this woman asked for my number, and I said, ‘Oh okay’ then immediately dropped my phone and the screen cracked. She giggled and then touched my beard and said, ‘You’re not like the other guys.’ Yeah, I’m not, I’m fucking awkward, dude.”