Little Black Dresses That Say, ‘If I Don’t Cum Tonight I Will Literally Die’

T By Alexander Wang Fitted SLVS Dress (Shopbop, $995)

This is no time to be cheap, ladies – your goddamn lives are on the line. Shell it out for this hella expensive leather slip or get ready to fucking die. This is your last resort. Time and time again it’s been proven that leather makes people want to fuck. This dress is your best and last shot at cumming before the clock strikes 12 and it’s too late for your frigid ass. This dress is your goddamn do or die moment! There you have it: four last-ditch-effort LBDs to save you from your imminent demise. If you can’t find someone to make you cum in one of these, we just don’t know what to tell you – except maybe just get a vibrator and find the strength to go on another day.

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