List of ‘Attending’ Guests for Facebook Event Grossly Exaggerated

An anonymous female Facebook user has filed a lawsuit against Mark Zuckerberg today after the majority of attendees on her party’s event page said they “probs can’t make it” in spite of checking the “Attending” checkbox. The suit has turned up staggering evidence that the number of “Attending” guests is grossly overestimated in the majority of cases.


At time of inquiry, the event boasted 172 guests attending out of over 1587 invited. However, reports show that the guest list is more than misleading: 28 of those guests are also confirmed as attending for at least one other event happening on the same night of said party.


Greg Potter, a 23-year-old who shares 17 mutual friends with the host, is a confirmed guest at multiple events that evening, including a birthday party in Manhattan, an album launch in Williamsburg, and two improv shows at basement bars in Queens.


When questioned about her plans to attend the party, classmate Sarah Grace responded, “Oh shit, I completely forgot about that. I don’t know, I have a friend in town and we might just go to a bar. I’ll text you though!”


Another invitee, Martin Equality Corbin responded, “Can’t make it, have to work late! Drink a beer for me” on the page, despite his RSVP as “Attending.”



About half of polled confirmed attendees reported “def trying to make it!” as their main strategy for actually attending the event, while at least 6 guests on the attendee list did not even live in the same state as the party and at time of press, reported no plans to travel in the near future.


The event, entitled “Let’s All Barfff in My New Sink!” appears to be a housewarming party, though the rest of the description is filled with multiple start times and is riddled with confusing inside jokes. Since its creation, the event start time has changed three times (from 11pm to 9pm to 10:30pm), averaging two notifications a day from the host’s updates about the party.


Said one such update, “Hey, if you’re coming late, come through the back door. My buzzer is broken but call me or Jessica when you get there” and was later edited to say “My buzzer is broken and I lost my phone, but we’ll have a rope outside my window that’s attached to a sweet bell, so just pull it when you get here n someone will toss you the keys.” Still later, it was edited to say “Hey, if anyone still wants to come, just text Jess.”


The anonymous host was last seen at Mark’s Rooftop Night-Brunch, 15 minutes after her own event was supposed to start.


view all comments hide comments

Comments are closed.