So you forgot your boyfriend’s mom follows you on social media, and now she’s due for a visit. Yikes! Why not make up for every cringe-worthy overshare, half-naked selfie, and drunken late-night political screed with a delicious light summer dish? These meals are so fun and flavorful, she’ll completely forget about your embarrassing internet presence!
1. Shame-Erasing Shrimp Stir-Fry
Remember when you asked your Facebook friends how to best deal with an ingrown pube? Your boyfriend’s mom does! Serve her this delicious stir-fried shrimp dish in hopes that she will no longer picture her son buried deep into your bush with a pair of tweezers hunting for a pesky ingrown, but instead picture you preparing this delicious and low-fat Asian inspired dish.
2. “Mea Culpa” Mushroom Torte
The story you posted about going on a bender and waking up in a Wegmans your freshman year was meant to be inspiring and informative, but unfortunately your boyfriend’s mom didn’t take it that way. Use the mushrooms you did as inspiration for this light, healthy dish! Take it to the next level by revisiting that same Wegmans to pick up some grated Parmesan to top this dish off. One taste, and Mrs. Boyfriend’s Mom will be all, “I like her!”
3. “Sheesh!” Kabobs
Oh boy, this one’s a doozy. Yeast infections are nasty, and thanks to social media, your boyfriend’s mom knows all about yours! Get her mind off your tweet that read “it looks/smells like a pile of chum is in my underpants” and serve up these yummy shish kabobs. She’ll totally forget your inability to keep inside thoughts on the inside!
4. “It’s Adam and Eve, Not Adam and” Quiche
Uh-oh. Your boyfriend’s uncle made some homophobic comments on Facebook and you couldn’t help but chime in and call him a “fucking vacuum of human decency”. Too bad your boyfriend’s mom saw that heated exchange about her only brother! Why not heat her up some quiche? Not everyone is pro-marriage equality, but everyone is definitely pro-quiche!
5. “Sorry I’m a Bad Person” Wine
If all else fails, why not just get drunk with your boyfriend’s mom? Everyone knows that wine is every sad mom’s favorite summer dish anyway. Grab a box of wine and start making some bad decisions on social media together!
There you have it: the perfect summer menu for someone who should be kept away from all computers!