Perched around a high-top table at the Cheesecake Factory in Monroe Township, New Jersey this Friday, a group of friends came to the unanimous decision that they were sick of hearing about that one time Janet fucked a cowboy.
Eyewitnesses confirm the agreement took place sometime between the bacon-wrapped scallop appetizer and cheesy lasagna main course, while Janet was in the restroom.
Lindsey, the ringleader of the group, got the ball rolling, “I mean, I get it. Cowboys are hot, but it was almost three years ago. She needs to get over it.”
According to Janet’s friends, coworkers, and laser hair removal technicians, Janet finds a way to bring up Zach, the alleged cowboy one-night stand, in almost every conversation.
“Every time sex comes up, she’s always like, ‘cowboys are so good in bed because of the horse riding. I should know ’cause I fucked one,’” explains Lisa Mulligan.
Catie Winsom recalls, “When I told Janet my mom had swine flu, she didn’t even ask how she was doing. She just told me some story about how Zach grew up on a farm with pigs. And he named them all Ben or something. Ugh! She only knew him for four hours!”
Kara Hynes questioned the cowboy’s authenticity, “How do we even know he’s a real cowboy? He’s probably just some dude from Florida that sells used pickup trucks and wears a cowboy hat.”
She adds: “Zach doesn’t even sound like a cowboy name.”
When the group saw Janet coming back from the bathroom, they decided to table the confrontation until next month’s girl’s night and quickly changed the topic back to Catie’s UTI. Which prompted Janet to interject, “OMG. Did I ever tell you guys about the wicked UTI I got from the hot tub sex I had with the cowboy?
Sources are unable to corroborate any of Janet’s claims, as the alleged cowboy apparently “lives in Canada” and cannot be reached for comment.