I’m under a lot of stress lately, and unfortunately I’ve been taking it out of the people I love most—particularly my boyfriend. He seems to think I’m trying to punish him, and frequently asks me if there’s something wrong or if I’m mad at him. So I want to take a minute to tell the truth: it’s not you, Chris; I’m just dealing with a whole lot of issues that are entirely your fault.
Look, I’m not upset! I’m just kind of upset because of things that you specifically have done. For example, when I get home from work stressed out because the house is a disgusting mess, that doesn’t mean that I’m mad at you—I’m just mad in general because you left open bags of chips and there were crushed chips underneath your shoes on the way out the door. I’m just mad at the whole general experience I’m having, that I would never be having if it weren’t for you.
Don’t you understand? We’re totally cool, and will be even cooler once you change your behavior that has nothing to do with why I’m mad.
I have so many friends who always seem to be upset with their boyfriends for something they’ve done, but I don’t think it’s healthy to hold onto anger in relationships. When it comes down to it, I don’t want to be mad at you all the time; I’d much rather be completely impossible and refuse to admit that I’m mad at you. Now step out of the way so I can silently, angrily clean up a mess you made.
So whether I’m screaming at the ceiling or yelling “FUCK” while I vacuum, I just want to make sure you don’t take it personally. I’m just working through some issues that are directly connected to things you did that are nobody else’s fault but yours.
Now, I hope that you will give me the benefit of the doubt when it comes to dealing with the issues in our relationship, of which there are many but just to reiterate, I’m mad about NONE of them. I’m trying to be a mature person and recognize that no one is perfect. That’s why I need you to understand that my shitty mood and outrageous behavior actually has nothing to do with you—it just has everything to do with you. Got it?
