Is Your Roommate’s New Middle Part a Cry for Help?

You and your roommate are each other’s support systems—you’re her built-in confidante, her mom away from home. It’s important that you have her back and are able to spot any warning signs that she might be headed down a difficult road. So when she walks into the kitchen and her beautiful hair is parted down the middle? Take. Notice. You might not be able to conceive of what is happening beneath the surface, but it is surely something. Here’s why her new middle part might be a cry for help.

 

She’s never done this before.

For as long as you’ve known her, your roommate has had a perfect side part that showcased her undeniable sanity. That side part said, “I am doing fine.” She looked fine, and you felt fine looking at her. You knew she would do the dishes because hey, she’s a together lady. Just look at her side part.

 

 

But now, when your roommate is wearing her hair in a middle part—a MIDDLE PART!!!—you have good reason to correlate this with her being not fine. Not fine at all. I mean, it’s a middle part!! You’ve lived with her and her side part for four years. Why does it now look like you’re living with Rachel from the sixth season of Friends? Rachel was doing terribly in that season! That’s when she moved in with Phoebe! Does this mean YOU’RE the Phoebe now? Ridiculous. That cannot be. Something has to be going on. Think hard. How are things at her job? When was the last time you heard sex sounds from her room? Check the fridge; is she even still eating Chobani??

 

No one in your friend group has a middle part.

Can you think of anyone, anyone, whom you are even remotely friends with who has a middle part? Of course not. You have a normal group of friends. So it’s not like she was erroneously led down a bad path. Something is up with her and her alone.

 

 

It looks like shit.

You already know this, but now that’s she’s standing in front of you, the fact is all too unavoidable. Has she looked in a mirror? Why would she leave it like this? It’s something she could easily change back at any moment and yet there it rests, like the Berlin wall, hideously dividing her scalp! She needs you now more than ever.

 

You’re a great friend, roommate, and superior hair-advisor, so it’s up to you to get to the bottom of this. Remember to treat her with kindness and patience. But if she catches you looking at her, play it cool. If she’s able to do something literally insane, like part her hair in the middle, there is no telling what else might set this bitch off.

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