It could happen to anyone: You look in the mirror in the morning and see an army of zits marching across your face. While a variety of factors could be causing your pimple plague, stress tends to be the big culprit. And nothing is more stressful than living in abject poverty. Stress acne is a pain in the butt—it takes an army of cleansers, moisturizers, and serums to combat those cystic little face beasts, none of which are covered by public assistance. Here are a few signs that your acne might be caused by your inability to make ends meet due to systemic class inequality.
You’re Not Using Caviar as a Face Scrub
The leading skincare tip of the 1% is rubbing beluga caviar on your face. It exfoliates while it moisturizes and is chock full of antioxidants that will combat your skin monsters. Also, you might be overwhelmed by the insurmountable debt you’re in combined with the inescapable cycle of poverty you have been trapped in since birth, causing your body to flood with stress hormones on a daily basis as you try to meet your basic survival needs. Yikes!
Your Salary Is Less Than Six Figures
If you make less than six figures annually, then forget about it. You will never not have stress acne. If instead of comfortably making six figures, you’re constantly consumed with the task of keeping a roof over your head and food on the table, then your acne is very likely caused by the stress of poverty. Oops!
You Don’t Take Off Work Once a Week to Lounge on Your Yacht
Yacht-lounging is the most commonly recommended prescription for overcoming stress acne. If you feel a stress acne outbreak coming on, but don’t own a yacht because you’ve actually been living out of your car for the past few months, then your acne is caused by poverty stress and is unlikely to subside soon. Sorry!
You’ve Never Taken a Bath in Champagne
Sometimes, everyday dirt buildup combined with stress can lead to acne. A lengthy soak in a tub full of champagne can really ease muscle tension and relax the mind while gently massaging pollutants out of your pores. But if you have never tasted champagne because you grew up in the system and now work three jobs just to get by, then your stress acne is unlikely to be assuaged by champagne baths, because you are incredibly poor and can’t afford any. Bummer!
You Have Worked
Jobs are inherently stressful. People who have never experienced stress acne are ten times more likely to retire at 25. If you can’t do that because you live paycheck-to-paycheck when you are able to even have a job in the first place, never knowing if everything will crumble around you, then your acne is likely due to the stress of living your entire life in poverty. Maybe try meditation?
The acne risks of living in poverty are very real. Check to see if you suffer from any of the conditions that might indicate your acne is poverty-related. If so, do your best to get out of poverty, or at least take a vacation from it for awhile. Remember: Your beauty is at stake!