Whether your white friends have started referencing Mamma Mia! or Cats in conversation, you’ll need some iPhone games to keep yourself busy while they bond over the Broadway shows their parents took them to see. With well over a million downloadable games, however, your ability to space out during their excited play-by-plays has never been easier. We rounded up five of our favorite iPhone games that’ll do the trick!
Fly around in a cardboard box airplane solving side-quests as the white friends you’re trying to assimilate with at work or school connect over musical theater. While they reminisce about seeing the Lion King live for over 60 times the price of the childhood VHS your mom found in a Walmart bargain bin, you get to fight plant enemies and collect coins! Remember to keep your plane afloat, otherwise you’ll lose the game and be forced to admit that you don’t understand paying $300 to watch a bunch of people play make-believe. So stay fueled-up and shoot some poisonous flowers!
Build a restaurant empire rather than trying to relate to your friend’s family trip to see Hairspray again. You’ll need to balance your chef’s budget so that he/she can afford fresh ingredients, and because budgeting scarcity comes more naturally to you than fitting in with high or even mid-society, this game is for you! Serve a rack of lamb, or screw it and just turn your restaurant into a Waffle House—it’s your world!
Combine cats with explosions and laser beams, and you’ve got yourself a game capable of distracting you 100% from feeling like a complete outsider. Much like Russian Roulette, you’ll keep drawing cards until you draw an exploding kitten, at which point you’ll also explode, then die and go back to nodding along with your theatergoing peers. Try not to let it slip that you thought Les Mis was a fancy type of dildo.
In this game, you’re a wizard who needs to zap enemies before they zap you, or you’ll turn into a piece of fruit—a scenario that might feel familiar if you’re brand new to an all-white environment, such as college or any other rung on the ladder of social mobility that isn’t toward the bottom. Shoot stars out of your wand to stun attackers! This will keep you too busy to wonder why other people can be shocked that you’ve never seen Chicago, while for some reason you can’t be shocked that they’ve never seen the movie Juice.
I Am Bread
Bread lovers rejoice! This game will fulfill both your lifelong wishes of becoming a piece of bread and not—wait, what? Are your friends talking about Hamilton? Hm, that sounds interesting…
There you have it: all the iPhone games you’ll need to get through this excruciating moment in your life!