Looking for a new ‘do to key everyone in to your adorable chill vibes? Look no further! With six to eight weeks of practice, you can easily develop the fine motor skills necessary to put together a noticeably effortless look. Here are some of our faves!
The Braided Crown, A.K.A. The Princess of Chill
This style will let everyone know that you rule! It says, “I’m royalty, but I never make anything into a big deal! I dunno, it’s just how I’ve always been!” You must obtain their approval.
Start with a quarter-size coil of hair at the nape of your neck, then separate that piece into equal 35-millimeter sections and begin to braid so that it looks perfectly even in a fascist way. Wrap the braid around the crown of your head and create loose, easy curls with a styling wand on medium-low heat. DO NOT MESS UP. DO. NOT.
The Music Festival Fishtail
This fun, flirty look says, “I’m sensitive, I’m a true dreamer, and I love all your favorite bands.” You had better get it right.
Deep treat your scalp with organic Argan oil the night before to ensure a perfectly smooth finish on every single one of your 150,000 hair follicles. Part your hair at a 55-degree angle. Then French braid until you intuit the need for a fishtail. If you’re not sure you’ve got it right, wait for a full moon and start again. Feel free and easy, but seriously, don’t fuck it up.
Style Time: 8 hours-2 weeks
The Loveable Mess Side Braid
This wildly easy ‘do is perfect for the girl who’s still just a sassy teen at heart. It says, “I’m too busy rocking out and enjoying the wild ride we call life to make my bed! Catch me if you can!” This braid will make you or it will break you. The choice is yours.
Contact your three most recent exes and have deep emotional talks about issues you’ll probably never get to the root of. This should help you achieve that tousled and teased base texture that’s at the heart of this style. Then create 4-5 fishtails simultaneously and weave into each other until you can’t tell which is which. For best results, change your mind about which braid goes with which, unbraiding ¾”, then re-braid. Repeat until satisfied with this clever ruse you’ve constructed.
Style Time: 3 weeks-1 month
The Transcendental or, “What even is that?”
An edgy, playful style that says “What, me worry? Never! All my chakras are open, duh, I practice transcendental meditation for 75 minutes, minimum, every morning.” They will all be fooled.
Apply for 3-4 grad school programs. Pursue a Ph.D., then quit and pursue acupuncture or other formally certifiable forms of holistic medicine. Use a white quartz to determine the most energetic point for initiating a centripetal fishtail. Divine the rest. Make sure it’s fucking perfect.
Style time: 3 to 8 years
The Bohemian Tunnel of Life’s Many Abstract Meanings
Life’s a mystery, and so are you! Here’s a neat style that will keep everyone intrigued with your cunningly crafted relaxation.
Blow off most of your friends for a few years while you find yourself. Then return to your childhood town and send a mass e-mail explaining you’re really excited to reconnect and simultaneously promote your new life-coaching business. Determine the scalp point that best aligns to your personal vision of where you’re going and make that the start of the braid tunnel you’re going to build. Coil your hair in a double helix and weave smaller symmetrical braids up either side. For best results, enlist your sister’s children (the ones with small hands). Any errors in this process will absolutely destroy your credibility in your community, so make sure to hit every step perfectly.
Style time: 25-Life.
Remember: There’s nothing effortless about looking effortless. With these all-encompassing, high-stakes recipes for laidback tresses, you’ll be rocking an über-chill mane before anyone is the wiser.