In a moment that solidified her as an inspiration to little girls and boys everywhere, Sonia Mendez has accomplished the impossible: She figured out the complex system of how window blinds work.
In a triumphant moment in her Los Angeles apartment that will go down in the history books, Mendez was able to evenly and quickly raise up the window blinds to check if the cat in the alleyway was there, then close them again without the blinds rupturing or getting stuck.
“She didn’t have to keep pulling the rope thing so each side would come down bit by bit,” said her friend Natalia, who was with her at the time. “It was totally smooth, exactly how I imagine these things are supposed to work. I thought I was imagining it, so I asked her to do it again, and she did. I have chills right now, just remembering it.”
Those like Natalia who have not yet mastered their own window blinds should not despair. Mendez started out just like the rest of us: baffled about how window blinds work.
“I just tried it a couple times when I first moved in, and I got the hang of it after a few tries,” Mendez said, of her process. “All it takes is a little practice, and I guess I just kind of remember how I did it the last time.”
Thus far, Mendez has a 95% success rate getting the curtains to open, a stunning 92% chance of success closing them, and is 98% correct every time she guesses which way to turn the rod thing to let the light in. On top of all that, she has only broken one slat, and that was in her old apartment.
“No one has ever been able to completely figure out window blinds before,” said an awestruck spokesperson for the Home Depot. “We’re definitely going to try to get Ms. Mendez on our team.”
Other remarkable talents Mendez has include opening jars of tomato sauce without running them under hot water, remembering the keyboard shortcut for opening the tab that you accidentally closed, and being able to quickly fish out the rewards card for whatever institution she happens to be at. What an inspiration!
Despite her gift, Mendez is allegedly considering removing the current hardware and installing a curtain rod and curtains in place of the blinds. She’ll be doing the installation all on her own, which is exactly what we’d expect of this queen of the universe.