I love posting my favorite pics on Instagram. So this weekend, when my girlfriend Jill and I went to the new Cat Café downtown, I snapped a pic of us and posted it to Insta with the caption, “Break me off a piece of that kitty cat cake #catcafe #hellokitty.”
I was really proud of the post and so excited for people to start liking it, so I could know that they knew how great of a time we had had. But then, the unthinkable happened. A few minutes later, just as Helen gave my post its first like, I thought of a way better caption.
In fact, I didn’t just think of a better caption. I thought of the best caption: “Meow sweet.”
All of a sudden, the room was spinning. How could I not have thought of this sooner? “Meow sweet” was short and crisp and exemplary of how clever I am in my day-to-day life. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t go back and edit the post now – Helen would know! But I couldn’t just leave it – the current caption was dumb and bad and the new caption was perfect and good and it wasn’t fair to deprive the world of it!
I sat in the middle of the Cat Café, paralyzed with indecision. Should I swallow my pride and edit the post, or should I leave the post as-is and resign myself to a life of being the friend that people describe as “just kind of clever?”
I was distraught. Who would love someone who just posts mediocre Instagram captions? As more people liked the post and commented on it, my window to edit the caption closed forever.
I thought things couldn’t get worse, but then Jake from SoulCycle commented, “Love it!” Was he making fun of me? Was this cyber-bullying? Could I ever even show my face at SoulCycle ever again? Would I have to switch to FlyWheel?! My life flashed before my eyes. When I finally came to, Jill was standing over me, shouting my name as a cat gingerly licked my hair. It was all too late. I had to let this one go.
As of today, people keep rubbing salt in my wound by commenting things like, “Adorable!” and “Aww kitties!” But the whole thing could have been so much more #lolcats. It’s honestly a nightmare scenario. Please send help. Send it meow. SEE HOW CLEVER I AM?! PLEASE TELL OTHERS!