I Refuse To Judge Other Women, Even In My Courtroom

As a district judge, my job is to uphold the law above all else. I took an oath to perform the duties of my office by solemnly swearing to administer justice without respect to persons, and I meant it. But there is one type of person I categorically refuse to judge: other women.

 

I’m just not that kind of person who thinks she’s so above everyone that she has the right to judge other women for what they do — even if it comes with a felony conviction.

 

Let’s face it: Women already have it hard enough. We’re already subjected to harsher judgments about everything from their appearance to their taste in music to the way they raise their children. They don’t also deserved to be judged by me – the district court judge for Eastern New York, even if they did commit insider trading on a massive scale.

 

Seriously; who am I to judge?

 

I refuse to bring my gavel down on any one of my fellow Queens, whether or not they knowingly purchased 50,000 shares of a company, hours before the stock jumped 25 percent. You see, I believe that we’re all beautiful in our own way, even with all of our flaws. How can I put someone in prison for five years without confronting my own mistakes?

 

 

Sure, I’ve never committed a felony, but using that to pit myself against other women is total bullshit.

 

Women have experienced the double standards of a male-dominated society their entire lives. They’re told not to be too assertive, then called weak. They’re told not to dress too suggestively, then criticized for not being attractive enough. They’re told not to illegally accept stock information from an anonymous source before it’s distributed to the public, then sent to jail when they do. As a woman who stands up for other women, I simply cannot allow this.

 

That’s why I refuse to determine whether or not a woman is “guilty.” It’s just not who I am. Even if I am a judge.

 

Our society has always sought to diminish women’s Goddess-like complexities using stereotypes, like “basic bitch,” “bimbo,” or “felonious insider trader.” And yes, evidence shows that the defendant exploited nonpublic information to her gross financial benefit, but I refuse to judge her for that, just like I refuse to judge her for not having kids, wearing Uggs in July, or getting bangs.

 

A few people have tried to tell me, “Honorable Judge Sangria, you cannot run a courtroom in which you refuse to judge women.” And to those people I say, “Do you want to be charged with obstruction of justice?” Because as far as I’m concerned, anyone who stands in the way of a woman living her goddamn life as she pleases is an enemy of the state, and I will not hesitate to hold them in contempt for the rest of my life, inside and out of the courtroom.

 

So even if I lose my seat, the only sentence I will serve my new sister-friend today is a resounding, “Slay, bitch!”

 

All women are perfect. And there is no crime too great or too small of which I won’t acquit them. Although the world may treat women like second-class citizens, they’re free to be themselves in my courtroom, without judgment, whether they’re guilty of federal crimes or not.

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