Here I am, wide awake at 4 a.m. lying in the arms of my husband Josh, wondering how I managed to get here. You see, Josh isn’t exactly what you’d call my type. Actually, he’s the exact opposite. Hilarious, right? Why would a girl like me, one of the coolest people I know, be married to a capri-wearing hot dog vendor with whom I have nothing in common? Because I married my husband ironically.
What can I say? I’m super committed to this joke.
Okay, maybe it isn’t funny now but let me tell you, it was an absolute riot when we first started dating. Josh was like an ugly stray dog I adopted who made out with me. As a joke, I would even tell him I loved him sometimes. Of course, I could never truly love someone like Josh, but by pretending to, I was making an ironic statement about relationships and society’s expectations about partnership. Funny, right? If only I had known he was taking me seriously…
Josh and I met two years ago, when my girlfriends and I attended a Meghan Trainor concert. Of course, we weren’t going because we actually like Meghan Trainor. We just thought it’d be hilarious to lay down $300 each for front-row tickets, because, you know, it would be so funny. That’s when I saw Josh. Can you believe it? A guy earnestly attending a Meghan Trainor concert. I had to talk to him. You could say I had the same ironic intentions when I asked him to dance with me. He wasn’t the nicest-looking dude there, and I can say that because I only saw two other men. But his old-man haircut coupled with his “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt was a comedy goldmine that I couldn’t pass up. Before I knew it, I was ironically asking him out on a date, ironically going over his house to have sex for a year, then ironically getting down on one knee to marry him. What a dork, right?
Don’t you get it? Doing things ironically is hilarious, and I just keep taking it to the next level.
I’m not supposed to be with Josh, though. I’m the cool one in my friend group. Always have been! Between my bold sense of style and dry sense of humor, I know I deserve much better. But since Josh wouldn’t know a joke if it screwed him behind a Meghan Trainor t-shirt stand and I am still not super sure what I’d do without him now, I’m just gonna keep this one going for as long as it lasts. Hilarious, right?
So, two years later, I’m ironically pregnant with Josh’s baby. Will I ever learn to love Josh for real, like Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson in How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Or will I continue this hilarious joke by naming our firstborn Meghan Trainor? Only time will tell. If there’s one thing I know for sure, though, it’s that I can’t wait for this next ironic stage of life with Josh where this joke is really gonna start to heighten!