I Don’t Wear Sunscreen So I Can Get Perfectly Millennial Pink Skin

Look; I’m just another millennial who loves the color pink, because that’s the color of my generation! There’s just no better way to express that I’m a 21-year-old receptionist at a startup than making my skin as quirkily pink as my Fjallraven Kanken backpack. I’m determined to achieve that perfect shade for myself, and that’s why I’ve thrown away all of my sunscreens to burn my whole body into a light but crisp, Millennial pink.


I may feel constant pain from the constant second-degree sunburns I’ve acquired since then, but pain is such a minor price to pay for getting my skin the perfect Millennial pink – the symbolic color of youth culture and all our values.


Now you might be wondering how to get Millennial pink skin yourself. Well, the first step of this entire process is doing nothing. Wow, so simple and easy, right? Wrong! You actually have to go outside next, and then bask directly in the sun’s rays from dusk to dawn without ever giving up no matter how burned your flesh becomes.


The whole experience is sort of like fasting, only instead of “no food,” the only rule is “no sunscreen.” And also, instead of obtaining spiritual enlightenment, you’re obtaining stylish pink skin and to be honest, maybe melanoma as well. But as a Millennial, I’m all about living in the moment and basking in meaningful experiences, so honestly this is all really on-brand for me!

While self-care may be important, so is embodying the very nature of being a Millennial, which can be done by turning your skin into the palette of a Wes Anderson film. That’s exactly what I’ve done, and despite my skin flaking off, I’m really excited for myself and a really hopeful future for my generation.


Not only am I the spitting image of the coolest generation, I also save so much money on sunscreen. Now, I can use all the money I’ve saved to buy stuff like awesome vintage records, avocado toast, cold brew, and cool dogs. What can I say? I’m a sucker for stereotypes about Millennials!



So gaze upon me now as your millennial hero! Just not too hard though, because I can almost feel the vibration of your stare on my skin, and it’s excruciating.


You can obtain this quintessential look for yourself too by just sitting outside in the sun for hours without any protection whatsoever. Anyway, it’s about lunchtime so I’m going to bounce. I may be deathly allergic to avocados, but you know I just gotta have it!



view all comments hide comments

Comments are closed.